The Lost Race of Middle Earth
by avijaren
Summary: Welcome the CATS to Middle Earth! We got this strange idea to mix the musical CATS and The Lord of the Rings. Enjoy, and R&R!
1. The What?

Disclaimer: We don't own the Lord of the Rings characters/places (J.R.R. Tolkien?? Well, not us!!) nor do we own the CATS characters/songs/places (Andrew Lloyd Webber and T.S. Elliot, even if he is dead), no matter how much we wish we did. DON'T YOU DARE SUE!!!  
  
The Lost Race of Middle Earth  
  
Asparagus Altar-Ego, Carbuckettycue, and Avijaren  
  
Part 1:  
  
The What?  
  
"Why is it always a perilous wood?" Gimli roared. All three of the travelers could feel the trees around them becoming tense as strangers entered.  
  
"I suppose, Dwarf, that you'd want to be back in Moria?" Legolas asked. Feeling fairly comfortable in the Forest of Fangorn they had just entered.  
  
"I suppose you just had to bring that up, didn't you, Elf!" Gimli snapped, gripping his axe tighter with both hands. The next moment their leader, Aragorn, had drawn his sword in a flash and was looking intensely through the trees.  
  
"Quiet, there is something out there," he whispered.  
  
Blurs of brown, white, and gray jumped out, slamming Aragorn between them, rendering him unconscious.  
  
"Did Aragorn just get taken by surprise?" Gimli asked in awe.  
  
"Amazing indeed," Legolas nodded in agreement.  
  
"Tumble, I think we're in trouble," one of the attackers said worriedly, noticing on arrow pointing at his chest. Legolas kept his hand steady as he started to question him.  
  
"Who are you?" he asked carefully, wishing not to insult them.'  
  
"I'm Pouncival, and this is Tumblebrutus," the one who had spoke answered.  
  
"What are you?" Gimli asked them the not question.  
  
"We're Jellicle cats," Tumble replied, thinking it was an unintelligent question.  
  
"Fine, what's a Jellicle cat?" Legolas asked, not wishing to spend all their daylight on one question.  
  
A whole chorus of. Jellicle cats, popped up amidst the foliage and rocks, "What's a Jellicle cat, what's a Jellicle cat?" They lined up, Pouncival, Tumblebrutus, and the other nine, and began to recite:  
  
"The naming of cats is a difficult matter, It isn't just one of your holiday games, You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter, When I tell you a cat must have three different names.  
  
First of all there's the name that the family use daily, Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo, or James, Such as Victor or Jonathon, George or Bill Bailey, All of them sensible everyday names.  
  
There are fancier names, if you think they sound sweeter, Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames, Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter, But all of them sensible everyday names.  
  
But I tell you a cat needs a name that's particular, A name that's peculiar and more dignified, Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular, Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride?  
  
Of names of this kind I can give you a quorum, Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat, Such as Bombalurina or else Jellylorum, Names that never belong to more than one cat.  
  
But above and beyond there's still one name left over, And that is the name that you never would guess, The name that no human research can discover, But the cat himself knows and will never confess.  
  
When you notice a cat in profound meditation, The reason I tell you is always the same, His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation, Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought, of his name.  
  
His ineffable, effable, effanineffable, Deep and inscrutable, Singular name.name.name.name."  
  
Gimli and Legolas stared at them, "Ok, that makes no sense," Legolas said flatly.  
  
And Aragorn awoke, surrounded by the Jellicle cats.  
  
Aragorn sits up, "What the?"  
  
"Hello Aragorn, do you by any chance happen to know what a Jellicle cat is?"  
  
"I'm not sure, but I'd wager they're Jellicle cats," Aragorn responded, gesturing to the 'kitten choir', but he was still surprised and confused from his attack and temporary black out.  
  
"There's a man over there, with a look of surprise, As much as to say well know how about that,"  
  
A mixed brown cat named Asparagus joined the kitty choir; he looked to be older than the others were. He was followed closely by a silver and black tiger stripe, later to be revealed as Munkustrap.  
  
"Do I actually see, with my own very eyes, A man who's not heard of a Jellicle cat."  
  
He sang, staring at Aragorn firstly and then at Legolas and Gimli.  
  
Legolas and Gimli looked at each other skeptically, "Men!" Legolas cried at Munkustrap, "That's like us calling you dogs!"  
  
Munkustrap's eyes widened and he flipped out, "That's. just. not. RIGHT!"  
  
"That's. exactly. how. WE. feel!" Legolas retorted.  
  
Munkustrap paused then raised one, um. paw, "Oh."  
  
Pouncival, still angry about the 'What are you?' from Gimli asked, "Well then, what are you?"  
  
"I, am a dwarf," Gimli pointed to himself with his axe, "and this, is an elf." He gestured at Legolas.  
  
"No explanations available at the moment," Legolas inserted quickly, before Pounce could say more.  
  
Aragorn sighed and leaned back on his palms, looking about. Suddenly his eyes widened, "What's that monstrosity?!"  
  
The white kitten, Victoria, followed his line of sight, "Oh!" she laughed, "That's just the old Ford."  
  
Man, elf, and dwarf stared at her, "The what?!!"  
  
"The car!" Two more kittens chorused.  
  
"We still don't understand," said Legolas, "the old what?"  
  
"The automobile!"  
  
Aragorn sighed and put his head in his hands, "What's an automobile?"  
  
"A monstrosity that moves if you turn the key," drawled an attitude filled voice, "like Chitty-chitty-bang-bang." Aragorn looked up at a large cat with a mane and spiked collar.  
  
Aragorn just slowly shook his head, "What's Chitty-chitty-bang-bang? And who the heck are you?"  
  
"I'm the Rum Tum Tugger, not quite so at you service. Chitty-chitty-bang- bang's an old story."  
  
Legolas and Gimli walked toward the 'car' and Aragorn quickly followed. When they reached it, they found themselves standing in the midst of many piles of junk.  
  
"Welcome to the junkyard," Munkustrap told them brightly, "I'm Munkustrap, my father's the leader of the Jellicles, Old Deuteronomy."  
  
"I'm Aragorn, a Ranger," Aragorn smiled at him.  
  
Munkustrap leaned forward and pointed at Aragorn's sword, "Hey, what's that?"  
  
To be continued.. 


	2. Munkustrap's Sword

Disclaimer: We, of course, don't really own anything in this story. The CATS mentioned are like in the musical. They will walk on two legs and are as tall as men.  
  
The Lost Race of Middle Earth  
  
By: Asparagus Alter-Ego, Carbuckettycue, and Avijaren  
  
Part 2  
  
Mukustrap's Sword  
  
"It's a sword," Aragorn told Munkustrap.  
  
"A sword? What do you do with it?" pouncival made a face and poked it. "Ouch!" he sucked on his finger, having pricked it on the exposed blade.  
  
"You mostly use it to kill Jellicle cats." Aragorn snarled. This was starting to get on his nerves.  
  
"Hey," a small patched kitten piped up; "a few minutes ago you didn't know what a Jellicle cat was!"  
  
Aragorn leaned forward menacingly, "Yeah, well, now that I know I'm going to kill some Jellicle cats if they don't shut up!"  
  
The Jellicles stared at him, taken aback. Legolas quickly stepped in.  
  
"Aragorn!" smack, "Snap out of it!" Smack.  
  
"Actually it's mostly used to kill orcs." Gimli announced.  
  
Leoglas made a face, trying his best to look like an orc.  
  
Gimli took one look at Leoglas, shook his head, and continued explaining what an orc was.  
  
Mukustrap was leaning forward, staring at his reflection intently in Aragorn's sword, until he got too close and cut his nose. "Ouch. I want one." He pressed a few fingers to his bleeding nose.  
  
"Got something hot?" Aragorn asked, sheathing his sword.  
  
A small calico kitten popped up, "Just Tugger!"  
  
"I was thinking, like, fire." Aragorn told her.  
  
"And he's not that hot." Legolas added. The kitten, Etcetera, pouted at him.  
  
"Fire?" Mukustrap asked, "um.Misto!" A black and white Jellicle with tux markings appeared in a flash of light.  
  
He flashed a smile. "Yes, Trap?"  
  
"Can you make some of these?" Trap pointed hopefully at Aragorn's sword.  
  
"No, but I can get some!" The little magician set to work as Legolas argued with Etcetera.  
  
"Is not!"  
  
"Is, too!" and so on and so forth.  
  
Suddenly, with a loud 'pop' sound and a strand of brightly colored ribbon, a pile of swords appeared. But, lo and behold, there was a man sitting on the pile, blinking and shaking his head. It was (crash of drums, flash of lights) Boromir!  
  
"Oops." Said Mistoffelees.  
  
"Hey! Get this ribbon off me!" said Legolas.  
  
"Boromir!" yelled Aragorn, dashing up the pile of swords to help him down, sliding all the way.  
  
Mistoffelees shrugged at Trap and help out a sword to him. "This one's for you."  
  
Mukustrap accepted the sword by the hilt carefully and solemnly. Thunk! The tip of the sword hit the ground. "It's heavier than I thought!" said Trap.  
  
Aragorn drew his sword, to show Munkustrap the basics of swordplay, and stepped forward. Trap suddenly swung up his sword, forcing Aragorn to bring up his own sword in a quick parry or lose his head.  
  
"Oops." laughed Trap, smiling weakly, "I wasn't paying attention there."  
  
Aragorn's eyes went unfocused and he poked his sword into Mukustrap's throat. "I going to kill a Jellicle." Trap's eyes widened as he stared at Aragorn.  
  
Gimli, being to short to do it right then, climbed up onto the old Ford and once again, smack, smack, snapping Aragorn out of his trance.  
  
Aragorn lowered his sword and coughed uneasily. "Umm..Thanks Gimli. Sorry Munkustrap.  
  
Boromir looked at them. "What's going on?"  
  
"Later, Boromir." Aragorn said dismissivly.  
  
"Oh, yes," he said quietly, "Boromir, that's my name."  
  
This reminded Trap of something, "Misto, where'd he come from?"  
  
Misto shrugged. "I don't know. An accident, probably a side affect of all that magic."  
  
Trap nodded and then turned back to Aragorn, "You know him?"  
  
"Boromir's an old friend." Aragorn stated.  
  
Gimli leaned over a whispered to Trap and Misto, "He died fighting orcs, Uruk-hai even." The two Jellicles nodded, then glanced at Boromir, who was hugging his knees and humming softly to himself.  
  
Tugger and Legolas were now arguing over whether Bombalurina was hot or not, Tugger said she was, Legolas said she wasn't. Tugger however, seeing the argument was going nowhere, dismissed it and walked over to the pile of swords, choosing one and pulling it out of it's sheath. "Misto, where did all of these come from?" he wondered, for there were thirty or so swords in the pile.  
  
Elsewhere  
  
"Sharen! Why did you steal my sword, thief?" a man of the south snapped, punching another man. All a sudden a group of about thirty men were decking Sharen, believing he had stolen their swords, none of them noticing that his was gone, too.  
  
Back to the Junkyard  
  
"I believe from some evil men of the southern parts." Misto replied with a smile.  
  
"We don't wish to overextend our welcome," Aragorn said, "but if we could stay they night we will be gone early tomorrow."  
  
"Where are you bound?" Munkustrap asked.  
  
"Our friends, two hobbit folk, were taken by orcs and we have been tracking them." Legolas replied.  
  
"May we help you one this quest?" Munkustrap inquired.  
  
"I suppose we could use all the help we can get." Aragorn replied, figuring he'd regret saying this later.  
  
"Trust me, you won't regret it." Munkustrap replied, almost as if cued.  
  
Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas exchanged worried glances. Every time someone said that they KNEW they were in trouble.  
  
A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed, we really appreciate it!! 


	3. Gandalf and the Amazing Technicolor Drea...

Disclaimer: We do not own LOTR, it'd be way cool if we did, we don't own Cats, or Joseph, or Evita, or Superstar, or, oh wait, the rest of it's ours! Only the storyline and idea of mixing it all belongs to us! (  
  
The Lost Race of Middle Earth Part 3:The Technicolor Dreamcoat  
  
An hour or two before dawn Aragorn stole Boromir's horn and announced their departure. However, it took till a little while after dawn to get all the Jellicles up and ready to leave Fangorn. Old Deuteronomy, Boromir, Jennyanydots, Jellylorum, and Etcetera, Pounce, Tumble, Carbucketty, Victor, and George, the younger kittens, stayed behind in the Junkyard. The other Jellicles, however, picked up swords and what provisions they could find for their journey.  
  
The most interesting part of it all, however, was clothing the Jellicles. The Junkyard hadmany discarded pieces of cloth and they used these to the best of their ability to make tunics with rough rope belts. After holes were inserted for tails and possibly ears, everyone set off at last, with sad goodbyes and a little anger on the pat of the young kittens.  
  
"They left me alone with you five!" Etcetera shrieked at the young toms, who just gave her an evil grin.  
  
"Hey! Do you guys remember Aragorn saying that two hobbit folk had gone to Mordor to destroy the ring?" A small kitten, who looked a lot like Pounce, asked.  
  
"Yes," answered Victor, a little frustrated still about this morning, "but what does that have to do with anything?!"  
  
"We'd be quicker then two of those little folk, wouldn't we?" he asked, then George, another kitten, caught on.  
  
"Yeah, we could catch up to them in a while, although who would know if it would take a couple of months or more." He explained, a little worried, yet excited.  
  
"Let's grab our things and head off tonight." Carbucketty suggested, revealing the map that had given him the idea.  
  
"You are clever sometimes, aren't you?" Etcetera asked with a smile.  
  
****************  
  
The Jellicles, Legolas, Aragorn, and Gimli had been travelling for a while now, and they had come to an old staircase in a hill. The Jellicles tensed as they were approached and were suddenly blinded, along with the other three. When they opened their eyes they saw.  
  
"Sarumon!" Gimli howled, charging at him with his axe. After all three had charged him and failed, they realized that this wizard was wearing a coat, vibrant and made of all colors of the rainbow.  
  
"I may have been lost without my map, but Gandalf seems to have strayed into the wrong musical!" Aragorn laughed.  
  
Annoyed, Gandalf slipped off the coat sending all the Jellicles into 'oohs' and 'ahhs'.  
  
"Personally, I liked the gray." Gimli announced, staring at the shining white robes Gandalf now wore.  
  
"Where is Boromir?" Gandalf asked.  
  
"He was accepted by the Jellicle tribe last night. It turned out dying gave him one heck of a voice and he could dance, too." Legolas replied, a little jealous that Boromir could sing better then him. "Show off." he muttered under his breath.  
  
"How did you. it was you!" Misto piped up, understanding.  
  
"Which thing are we referring to my dear boy?" Gandalf smiled.  
  
"With Boromir?"  
  
"Well, I do believe, yes it was my idea that you should have him rather then, oh say, Isoldor."  
  
Misto raised his swooshed black eyebrows, "Thank you."  
  
In reply, Gandalf whistled and three horses quickly appeared, a silver one slowing his blistering pace until he stopped right in front of Gandalf and nuzzled his neck.  
  
Aragorn and Legolas mounted, each on one of the remaining horses and Gimli mounted with Gandalf.  
  
"Can you keep up?" Aragorn asked Munkustrap.  
  
"Of course." Munkustrap replied, sounding like he resented the question.  
  
The large group, mounted four leading, quickly made for the city of Edoras.  
  
****************  
  
"Oh what a circus, oh what a show! Edoras has gone to town over the arrival of the Jellicle Cats!" The guards began to sing to the tune of 'Oh What A Circus' from Evita, to which the Jellicles responded, continuing the song.  
  
"They've all gone crazy, they've all gone mad."  
  
The guards responded, "And we owe it all to these Jellicle Cats!" They struck an ending pose, and the company began to walk up the steps to the hall.  
  
Legolas began to sing, and, by the way, he did have a very good singing voice, "But who is this great king of Rohan? For we have travelled far to met him."  
  
The Guards went stiff, and on one monotone note they sang, "He is waiting for you, go in!"  
  
They entered the hall of the king of Rohan, walking slowly and purposefully towards the king. Jemima ran forward and poked Theodin.  
  
"He's not dead yet, is he?"  
  
Aragorn got this odd look and burst into song, to the tune of 'High Flying Adored' from Evita, "High flying adored! The king, why don't you get up?"  
  
Legolas took over, shoving in front of Aragorn to steal the spotlight, "A rich, elderly king." he was about to go on, but one of Aragorn's crazy phases happened and Legolas found himself being beaten.  
  
Gandalf, seeing that things were going nowhere real fast, took matters into his own paws, er. I mean hands, and to follow form he began to sing to the tune of 'Herod's Song' form the musical Jesus Christ Superstar, he cracked his staff on the floor and began, "Theoden I am overjoyed to see you once again. I've brought you a message of the peril of your land. Orcs invading! Evil left and right! And now Grima Wormtongue has begun to steal your mind!"  
  
Theoden stared at him, but continued the song by singing in his old man voice, "So you bring bad news, that is all you can do."  
  
Grima Wormtongue stuck his nose in taking up the tune, "Gandalf Stormcrow is not cool, Gandalf Stormcrow is a fool!"  
  
Gandalf knocked Grima over "You're a pathetic lyricist," he hissed out of the corner of his mouth, but then sang at Theoden, "You must banish this snake! He is poisnin' your mind, come on Kind of Rowhan!" Suddenly all singing ceased and arguing began.  
  
So Gandalf did some flashy funny buisness with his staff, and Theoden came to his senses. When he stood up and threw Grima out, the Jellicles all ran towards him, cheering. The let out one note, as if to sing, but before they could continue, Gimli bellowed at them.  
  
"No more singing!!!!"  
  
(Amen to that!) 


End file.
